6 Insane Conspiracy Theories That Actually Happened
Calling someone a Nazi is the easiest way to out oneself as a lunatic. As we've covered before, Hitler NBA Jason Collins Jerseys comparisons are par for the course on the Internet. You can't legitimately call yourself a politician if you haven't been compared to Hitler. But when someone calls someone else a Nazi, it just makes you wonder why they didn't go full Hitler.
Do they think the accused is actually a card carrying member of some secret Nazi party? It gives off the lunatic aroma of the weirdo Nazi memorabilia collectors like Marge Schott and Charles Manson. Hitler comparisons make it clear that they're angry and probably stupid, and that their Caps Lock key could Cheap NBA Jerseys probably use a breather. Nazi comparisons suggest a much more permanent brand of insanity. One that suspects that behind closed doors in the halls of power (or just at parties they're not invited to), everyone's secretly goose stepping around in Nazi armbands, waiting for the right moment to make their move.
Unfortunately for sane people everywhere, even the craziest people on the face of the earth are right every once in a while, and that time was during the space and nuclear arms race during the Cold War.
After the Nazi regime collapsed in a pile of starving jackboots in May 1945, the Allies had no qualms about going through the rubble of Hitler's failed empire for stuff that might be useful. In some cases, they went sifting for actual Nazis.
"In a couple of years, people won't even remember this whole 'world war' kerfuffle."
In the closing years of the war, the Nazis were desperate to create a superweapon that might save the Third Reich and destroy the rest of the world. government decided that they needed to tap some of those Nazis minds before the commies got their red hands on them. To this end, the Americans drew up a plan to round up German scientists, giving jobs to the best and the brightest even though most of them deserved to be on trial for war crimes.
President Truman approved what was known as Operation Paperclip soon after the war, but added strict directives to ensure that the worst Nazis not be included, presumably in a last ditch effort to be able to go to sleep at night.
Trying to figure out who the good Nazis are is like deciding which kick in the nuts hurts the least.
Of course, this turned out to be a completely empty gesture. The most valuable scientists would also have been the most heavily utilized in the Nazi regime. To get around Truman's moral objective, the American military created the Joint Intelligence Objectives Agency, which was tasked with creating fake background information for brilliant scientists who were unapologetic, Dr. Strangelove grade Nazis. With their records bleached, hundreds of Nazis were able to get past Operation Paperclip's "only good Nazis" vetting process and move to America as high level government employees. government knew they were responsible for tens of thousands of inmates' deaths.
The German scientists were punished by sending them to Texas.
2. The KGB Was Involved in the Kennedy Assassination (But Not How You Think)
We can't blame JFK conspiracy theorists. We all want to be the only person on the planet who knows something really important, and it's hard not to feel intriguing while quietly confiding to someone that "There were men who wanted Kennedy dead. Powerful men. Men who would kill me if they knew I was telling you this." To quote True Lies' Bill Paxton, our favorite movie spy of all time, people "need some release! Promise of adventure, a hint of danger."
"You get their pilot lit, they could suck start a leaf blower."
Whether they're doing it to get laid, to feel smart or because taxes make them furious and they don't have the luxury of being a Libertarian, there's one thing the JFK conspiracy theorists would never suspect: that they themselves are unwitting parts of a vast conspiracy drawn up by powerful men, and that if those men knew they were explaining "the truth" about the Kennedy assassination, those powerful men would probably have hugged them.
"Why are you hugging me? Is it BEES?"
Of the acronyms that people like to blame for the Kennedy assassination FBI, CIA, LBJ, NBA (one of Bill Simmons' more far fetched David Stern conspiracy theories) the KGB has always been one of the least popular, even though it's probably the most straightforward. Oswald was a communist sympathizer who spent a couple years in Russia, giving the KGB easy access to his washable brain. Constitution doesn't grant power to whichever political party killed the president. We didn't say it was perfect, just the least convoluted. Which of course is why it's probably unpopular with conspiracy theorists, who tend to prefer more surprising theories like the ones that appeared in Oliver Stone's movie.
"The KGB? Heh . where's the fun in that?"
But the one thing the KGB theory has that none of the others do is documented proof that they were actively involved in a conspiracy connected to the JFK assassination. Since it hit the intelligence community like a new Harry Potter book, the information it contains has been authenticated by everyone from the FBI, members of the British Parliament, the United States Air Force Academy, the and perhaps most impressively of all, Wikipedia. government. In short, there was a KGB led Kennedy conspiracy.
We're not too worried. It's probably a crazy conspiracy Jason Collins Jerseys theory.
That might sound suspiciously meta for a Russian intelligence community not written by Dan Harmon, but it makes sense when you realize that the CIA and the KGB were openly engaged in a culture war (even backing opposing styles of modern art). The KGB was acutely attuned to American popular culture, and were particularly impressed with Americans' ability to generate and believe new JFK conspiracy theories that fly in the face of the evidence.
"How are these people winning the Space Race?"
Using handwriting samples and phrasing from letters written by Oswald while he was in Russia, the KGB forged a letter from Oswald to a known CIA operative that referenced a secret meeting just days before the assassination. It was so expertly done that everyone from handwriting experts to Oswald's freaking wife confirmed that it must have been written by him. The New York Times reported that three handwriting experts had confirmed its authenticity. An official government inquiry was launched into the letter. By the late '70s, the KGB were pleased to find that "far more Americans believed some version of [the KGB] conspiracy theory . than still accepted the main findings of the Warren Commission."
Because convincing Americans to believe a conspiracy is about as difficult as convincing dope wholesale nba jerseys from china fiends to take another hit.
So, there's good news and bad news, JFK conspiracy theorists. There was a JFK assassination conspiracy! Unfortunately, you were the puppets, making this the saddest example of fans getting manipulated by their obsession prior to the Star Wars prequels.